Pole dancing, dating and relationships

Pole dancing, dating and relationships

Do you want to start pole dancing classes but your partner doesn't agree? Maybe you're already a pole dancer but your partner doesn't like you posting pole pictures or videos on instagram? Or is pole dancing causing arguments and rifts between you and your other half?

We asked over 1000 pole dancers some questions about relationships, pole dance, sex, dating, etc and this is how it went.

Do you like it when people come onto you because of your pole dancing posts?

77% of pole dancers answered 'no leave me alone' and I have to agree. I post my pole dance videos and pictures on social media because I'm damn proud of how strong, flexible and determined I've become. I've achieved a move that I want to share with our pole community.

If I wanted someone to come onto me from my pole dancing videos and pictures I'd send them to my boyfriend, but I don't because that's not why I post them.

To me posting a pole pose or video is like when a guy posts a picture holding a fish. They're definetly not doing it to attract someone they're just showing off that they've caught a big fish.

pole dancing fish

Do you pole dance for your partner?

65% of pole dancers answered 'too weird' and again I agree. Like I said above when I pole dance it's not for someone else. Would you play video games for your partner? Probably not. 


If your partner asked you to stop pole dancing what would you say?

Now the answers to this question are fantastic and 100% why I love the pole community, we're fierce, we fight for empowerment and we will not be told what to do. Here are the most common answers ranked highest to lowest:

  1. Bye.
  2. No.
  3. P*ss off.
  4. F*ck off.
  5. Nice to know you.
  6. Never!
  7. 🖕

As you can see pole dance is empowerment. Out of over 100 answers no one and I say NO ONE said they would stop or consider stopping pole dancing.


What do you consider a red flag reaction when telling your partner / the person you're dating you pole dance?

When asked if pole dancers tell the person they're dating straight away that they pole dance 35% said they keep this hobby quiet. Probably becuase it's more hassle than it's worth.

When we asked pole dancers 'what do they consider a 'red flag' reaction when telling their partner or person they're dating that they pole dance.' These were the most common answers ranked highest to lowest:

  1. When they instantly turn it to bedroom talk.
  2. 'So when do I get a lap dance?'
  3. 'Are you a stripper'
  4. 'So do you have an only fans?'
  5. Talking negatively about strippers or sex workers.
  6. 'You can dance on my pole'
  7. Becoming jealous.

Out of just under 100 answers to this question these were the most common answers...which is scary. There is nothing wrong with pole dancing, sex work, strippers or having an only fans. But these answers show how ignorant some people still are towards pole dancing.


Have you told your partners family that you pole dance?

 If the above question is anything to go off, we understand telling new people that you pole dance can be a daunting conversation especially the in-laws. BUT out of 1000 answers 91% of pole dancers had told their in-laws they pole dance. When asked what their reaction was the answers were even more refreshing:

  1. They love it.
  2. My mother in-law now pole dances.
  3. They came to support me at my latest show/competition.
  4. Encouraging and supportive.
  5. 'You must be so strong.'
  6. They think it's cool.


If your partner wasn't 100% sure about pole dancing, what would you say to them (or have you said to them) that's made them understand the benefits of pole dancing?

Now I woud be a fool to say every partner should be 100% accepting if their other half pole dances.

Some people won't be comfortable with their partner pole dancing due to jealously, their own self doubt, sense of ownership (I only want to see you looking sexy round a pole), religion, beliefs, personal reasons and more; and that's ok. But it's important to note that you must do what you want to do, it is your life and if you want to explore the world of pole dancing, more power to you.

There is still A LOT people don't understand about pole dancing (like I don't understand the offside rule). So when we asked pole dancers how they would make their partner understand the benefits of pole dancing if they weren't 100% about it. These are the responses we received:

  1. Help them breakdown preconceived conotations and understand what pole dancing is.
  2. It makes me happy and that's what matters.
  3. Help them understand its a sport and hobby just like any other.
  4. Show them my progress.
  5. Its a method of stress release.
  6. Confidence boost.
  7. You learn to fly.
  8. It's a mixture of sport, art, athletics, calisthetics, contortion and dancing, it's incredible.

Has pole dance increased your performance in the bedroom?

If the above did not work when trying to convince your partner of the benefits of pole dance, these answers just might. 

When we asked pole dancers if pole dance had increased their performance in the bedroom 50% said yes.

I 100% agree. Before pole class I would never wear shorts and I avoided dresses unless I wore high heels with them, mainly because I have chunky legs. Turning up to my first pole class knowing I had to wear shorts was daunting to say the least but the realisation soon sinks in that everyone looks like me and I think they look hot as hell; no one looks like the people you see on instagram. There's no reason to be embarrassed, why on earth are you not showing off your legs? They carry you 10,000 steps a day, they have learnt to do the splits, they can climb a 10ft pole...

My attitude about my body did a 180 switch from pole dancing and that leads into the bedroom.

When asked 'has pole dance increased your performance in the bedroom? If yes, how?' These were the most common answers:

  1. Body confidence. - (136 answers)
  2. Feeling hot and sexy.
  3. Flexibility.
  4. Stamina.
  5. Confident being naked.
  6. I love my body.
  7. More confidence equals more fun.
  8. Having more confidence in myself turns me on.
  9. Feeling sexy makes me want to have sex.
  10. I always point my toes during sex now.

Number 10 has to be my favourite, my boyfriend has asked me why I'm pointing my toes and fully extending my knees, and in response, 'my pole instructor will tell me off if I don't.'

We hope you enjoyed this weeks blog, forward this onto your parnter, expand their knowledge of pole dancing and keep on being sexy.

Now go slay,
Xana Polewear


Back to blog

Leave a comment